This blog entry can make you $16K.
So I pulled into port on Tuesday after a sea-trial to find a guy in a dinghy in the middle of the marina, making frantic gestures at me. I figured out, kind of late, that he wanted me to stay clear of him as he had a diver down below -- he could have used a special "alpha" flag whose sole purpose is to signal to other vessels that they should steer clear, but they're not big on formalities in Spain and prefer wild gesticulation and frenzied facial expressions. Anyhow, I narrowly missed the diver dude with my keel; he must have been shitting bricks as he watched a giant torpedo-like object heading for him. His buddy in the dinghy certainly was doing the same. And the scenario repeated itself with just about every boat that passed by. But they're ok with that; otherwise, the guy in the boat would not feel like he was bringing sufficient value-add into the operation.
On shore, there were three highly blinged-out ladies and a guy with an immaculate public-school accent who looked like the character Freddie in The Talented Mr. Ripley. All four were staring intently at the guy in the dinghy, who, in between wild gesticulation at incoming boats, was looking down into the ocean. I asked them what was going on, and apparently the backstory is that one of them dropped a bracelet into the water, they hired a diver who was down below looking for it, the bracelet was white gold with lots (with emphasis on the "lots") of diamonds, and it is worth at least 10,000 GBP (~$16,000 USD). The bracelet was not insured. They've known the diver for years and trust that he will not stick the bracelet in the nether regions of his wetsuit and keep it for himself.
As I was packing up my boat, the diver ran out of air and came out empty-handed.
As an aside, the ladies were in their 50's and were very giddy, probably because of the stress of having dropped into the ocean enough precious rocks to feed 1350 kids for a year in India (this is an accurate number, I looked up the numbers at a respected, vetted charity). I had to pack away my boat right in front of them, where they were intrigued by my "thing" (how they referred to Guizmo, themselves traveling on a 48-foot luxury power boat, whose poor gas mileage has presumably subsidized three oil wells, one spill, part of the uncappable BP drill accident and one minor act of terrorism. If their boat guzzled less gas, we'd all probably get patted less at the airport) and very very openly hitting on me. I never figured out how the fellow was related to them, but he had a clear Cambridge accent and seemed to be totally ok with the ladies offering me a berth after finding out that Guizmo has none and the ringleader female saying things like "you have a beautiful body" point blank. Incidentally, I didn't have a good comeback for that one at the time, but the answer that I thought of 15 minutes after the fact was "wait 'til you've seen my soul." I'll file that away in case anyone says something similar to me ever again.
Today, I saw the same diver at the same spot, with the owner of the bracelet once again looking expectantly from the sides. The diver came up empty-handed again.
The marina water is not as appetizingly clear and azure as the outside bay. The bottom is silty. Lack of a submersible metal detector on the island makes life hard. But the bottom is only at a shallow 2.7 meters. Almost anyone can dive to that depth on their own breath alone and poke the silt with a rake. And the bracelet is definitively there somewhere. So, if you don't mind diving in a dirty marina (I do, so this is not for me) and want to make easy cash (I want to earn every single cent of my money, so this is definitely not for me), I've made a very accurate pirate map for you. There is $16K under the X, buried slightly in the silt due to the hefty weight of the diamonds and gold.
Standard laws about loot at sea apply here; namely, finders keepers.
I'm not kidding about any of this, I just drew a genuine, modern-day treasure map.
So I pulled into port on Tuesday after a sea-trial to find a guy in a dinghy in the middle of the marina, making frantic gestures at me. I figured out, kind of late, that he wanted me to stay clear of him as he had a diver down below -- he could have used a special "alpha" flag whose sole purpose is to signal to other vessels that they should steer clear, but they're not big on formalities in Spain and prefer wild gesticulation and frenzied facial expressions. Anyhow, I narrowly missed the diver dude with my keel; he must have been shitting bricks as he watched a giant torpedo-like object heading for him. His buddy in the dinghy certainly was doing the same. And the scenario repeated itself with just about every boat that passed by. But they're ok with that; otherwise, the guy in the boat would not feel like he was bringing sufficient value-add into the operation.
 |
| Freddie is on the right |
As I was packing up my boat, the diver ran out of air and came out empty-handed.
As an aside, the ladies were in their 50's and were very giddy, probably because of the stress of having dropped into the ocean enough precious rocks to feed 1350 kids for a year in India (this is an accurate number, I looked up the numbers at a respected, vetted charity). I had to pack away my boat right in front of them, where they were intrigued by my "thing" (how they referred to Guizmo, themselves traveling on a 48-foot luxury power boat, whose poor gas mileage has presumably subsidized three oil wells, one spill, part of the uncappable BP drill accident and one minor act of terrorism. If their boat guzzled less gas, we'd all probably get patted less at the airport) and very very openly hitting on me. I never figured out how the fellow was related to them, but he had a clear Cambridge accent and seemed to be totally ok with the ladies offering me a berth after finding out that Guizmo has none and the ringleader female saying things like "you have a beautiful body" point blank. Incidentally, I didn't have a good comeback for that one at the time, but the answer that I thought of 15 minutes after the fact was "wait 'til you've seen my soul." I'll file that away in case anyone says something similar to me ever again.
Today, I saw the same diver at the same spot, with the owner of the bracelet once again looking expectantly from the sides. The diver came up empty-handed again.
The marina water is not as appetizingly clear and azure as the outside bay. The bottom is silty. Lack of a submersible metal detector on the island makes life hard. But the bottom is only at a shallow 2.7 meters. Almost anyone can dive to that depth on their own breath alone and poke the silt with a rake. And the bracelet is definitively there somewhere. So, if you don't mind diving in a dirty marina (I do, so this is not for me) and want to make easy cash (I want to earn every single cent of my money, so this is definitely not for me), I've made a very accurate pirate map for you. There is $16K under the X, buried slightly in the silt due to the hefty weight of the diamonds and gold.
Standard laws about loot at sea apply here; namely, finders keepers.
 |
| There is gold and diamonds under the X |
3 comments:
Muhtesem!
I love this blog. This entry is hilarious for so many reasons. Wait - no berth - so this is a hotel-to-hotel kind of trip?
Hey " Ashton",
When you are 50, she will be 70.
Plan Ahead !
Ill Wind
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